Wanting More

Perhaps there are some things I am taking for granted. But I still fail to see what’s so special about this country I am living in.

Canada isn’t bad, but it’s not that great either. It’s whatever to me.

I want more from my country. I don’t feel Canadian. I want to feel Canadian, I really do.

But I wasn’t raised Canadian. I was raised in Canada. But not as a Canadian.

(On a side note, I’ve never understood how immigrants try and learn Canadian culture when they come here. I feel that when they come here and try and learn to be Canadian, they’re really learning the acceptable way of living in the west. They’re learning western ideals. Their idea of beauty changes, their way of thinking, and even doing.)

So because of my detachment, I find myself comparing other countries to live in,

and concluding that Canada is peaceful & boring.

It’s a wannabe Britain

Like a student who pays utmost attention in class and desperately tries to please the teacher

And a less rowdy America

Like that same student, that is surrounded by other distracting students, and notices that her neighbour would rather not listen to or pay attention to the teacher but rebel. Our once focused student unfortunately, ends up losing her attention span, and joining in with her other peer.

Your background, where you or your parents are from will sometimes influences how you see the current country you live in.

For example…My Afghan coworker loves Canada, she thinks she has more freedom here, and appreciates the peacefulness.

Freedom and peacefulness, I personally take for granted. I’ve never had either threatened in the same way…

And how would I? Look where my parent’s are from. They’re not from some kind of suppressive or communist regime.

Sure life would have been more rough if I were born where my parent’s were and not here.

I am not blind, I see for myself what kind of life I could have been living.

But even then. I don’t appreciate Canada the way I should.

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Being Otherwise

I looked at myself, a female Afro-Canadian, born to Jamaican parents. And looked at my friend, a male Indo-Canadian, born to Guyanese parents, and said:

Ever wonder where we would be without colonialism, what we would look like, and where we would be? Can you imagine how the world would be if Red Indians were left to themselves in North America, the Arawaks in Jamaica? Obviously we would not have certain inventions, or would we? And who would get the rightful credit for it? Now, in 2013, would we have as much cross crustal contact? Would some of us be so genetically…complex?¬†Everything colonialism has given and taken, different. Everything we take for granted and love about ourselves, taken from us. Would you therefore say, that colonialism, has defined who and in some cases we are today? The discourses of colonialism, the mere thought of erasing them all, or some of them, would require much brain power and imagination.” I finally concluded, answering my own question.

But he then asked:
So if you could be born again, what would you keep the same about yourself, what would you change, would you want to be the exact same person?
I told him I would be the same, Black, Christian, a female and of Jamaican ancestry, but born in France. He said he’d be the same as well, except born in England, and of Guyanese ancestry. It was kind of interesting that both of us would remain pretty much the same, save one minor difference. Perhaps because in some ways thinking otherwise, it is hard for us to do so. We realize things could be otherwise, and it’s hard for us to accept the “otherwise.” Also, I guess we cannot know for sure how living otherwise would be, if it would be better or worse than our situations now. Perhaps it would be neither, because we would not know any better or worse…Or would we? Who can say?